Assertiveness

2. The Assertive Approach

Assertive people have a positive, open style of communication, neither submissive nor aggressive. They adopt a meeting-as-equals, 'win-win' approach to work relations.

The basic techniques for behaving assertively can be easily learned and put into practice quickly.

2.1 State specifically and simply what you feel and what you want to happen.

• Begin your sentences in the first person. For example, 'I feel frustrated when what I say is ignored in meetings.'
• Make brief, to-the-point statements. For example, 'I would like, at least, to be acknowledged when I offer an idea.'

2.2 Speak directly, without hinting, beating about the bush, flattering, flirting or manipulating to get what you want.

• Do not speak apologetically, or aggressively. The opinions and needs you express risk being ignored if you do.

2.3 Stand your ground if what you are saying or doing is valid.

• Do not let other people's vehemence or apparent certainty make you think you must be wrong.

2.4 Stay calm and do not give in to anger.

Taking out your aggression or frustration on others does you no good and can lead to careless actions or unsafe working.

• Express your valid feelings and requirements clearly and in good time, rather than bottling things up until you explode.
• Allow time to elapse (count to ten) after an initial angry response, before expressing the reasons for it to others. Be prepared to walk away until you feel calmer and more in control.
• Bear in mind that other people, or their actions, cannot actually 'make' you angry. If you react with anger, it is because you choose to surrender control and let yourself react this way.
• Do not allow your body language to become aggressive. Avoid pointing at people, raising your voice, banging the table or making other aggressive gestures.

2.5 Be prepared to say no or 'agree to disagree'.

• Everyone at work is entitled to refuse unreasonable requests (see 5).